If I was the mayor of Tokyo

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Posted 09 Dec 2010 in Japan, Tokyo

If I was the mayor of Tokyo the following people would be thrown to starving lions:

  • Rush-hour commuters who stand directly in front of ticket barriers while they look for their train pass
  • Cyclists who cycle through, rather than wait for, groups of pedestrians at crossings
  • Housewives who walk four abreast – and at a snail’s pace – along narrow pavements
  • Kids who are so busy playing with their phones that they can’t walk in a straight line
  • Old men who think out loud, loudly. Eg, “Souu KA”, “Sore wa giri-giri KaNAAA”
  • People who run for empty train seats as if sitting down was the Most Important Thing in the World, only to get off the train ten minutes later
  • People who don’t hold doors open for others
  • Middle-aged men who spit anywhere and everywhere
  • Customers who fail to use common niceties, like “Please” and “Thank you”, when talking to waitresses and staff
  • Salarymen who clip their fingernails at their desks
  • Middle-aged women who talk in high-pitched voices because they think it’s “cute”

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  1. - Rush-hour commuters who get on the train and immediately stop in the doorway rather than moving further inside the carriage.

    • Yeah! And then they don’t move out of the way for people who are getting off the train!

  2. and if I could vote, you’ll have mine.

    • Cheers Ken! I’ll make sure you get a cushy job in my new regime.

  3. You’d get mine too!!
    Can we make this happen? Cuz then you’d have the mayor of Yokohama’s ear and implore him to do likewise (-:
    Thanks for the smile!

    • Loco,

      I’m sure we can start a campaign! Just need a few million voters on our side!

  4. How about requiring EVERYONE to read World history that is NOT published by a Gov approved censored publishing company.

    Nanjing/Nanking really did happen to some extent. Understanding un-censored un-redacted history might help this countries future. Just saying Chinese people are crazy and jealous in NOT going to help an increasing geo-political/economic problem.

    • Chris,

      That would be nice but censorship happens everywhere.

      Luckily it seems that most schools have more sense than to use the worst revisionist textbooks: in 2002 Fusosha, the publishing company that produced New History Textbook (新しい歴史教科書), sold a mere 625 books to Japanese schools.

  5. Excellent ideas. At a rough guess, that would reduce the population to about a dozen people!

    • But they’d be a clean dozen, rather than a dirty one!

  6. tolly

    Man, I found your blog through random search and when I read this entry I couldn’t agree more and I thought “Well, it seems I’ll find these kind of annoying people wherever I go…even in Tokyo.”

  7. ♫•*¨*•.¸¸ belated merry xmas! ¸¸.•*¨*•♫

  8. Claire

    Bless! I never noticed it myself when I visit my family in Tokyo but maybe that’s because nobody gives you filthy looks like they do here in Australia when you have to barge past them because they are blocking the doorways! You have my vote…

  9. BLB

    Ha you sound like a grumpy old man.

  10. Great list and agree with everything on it. I would just add one more. Japanese Obasan who push and shove just to be first on the bus or first in line.

  11. Can I add “men of all ages who are unable to close their mouths when eating”?

  12. Eating with the food doing its best to fall back out is the one that gets me!! The rest are universal to a greater or lesser extent: try Paris for getting on and off of trains and waling on the pavement! such is life!

  13. YES! To all of them.

    The worst one is surely the fingernails. There is a man in my office who comes in early… so he can cut his TOENAILS into a bin?

  14. David

    Moving to Japan soon. Im really nervous…


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